overocea: (Default)
[personal profile] overocea
your body is great at detecting invaders,
but cancer isn't an invader. you grew it.

I was just sitting outside "smoking" my e-cigarette (vanilla mmm, but with no nicotine, just flavouring) and watching my kitty Munchy luxuriously sun himself (I am so jealous that cats can make lolling about on concrete seem comfortable). Suddenly he spied something up the driveway and jumped up, on alert. I looked over and saw my other kitty, Guppy, come racing up the path as though a million soul-eating devils were after her (and maybe there were; I am sure she can perceive things that I cannot). She came to a halt in front of him and they touched noses before she went to jump up through the window to go inside.

As she leapt, Munchy took a swipe at her hindquarters with his forepaw and missed. I was reminded of something I had read that said if you have two cats that sometimes playfight, as they seem compelled to do, you should put a bell on the more aggressive cat so that the more submissive one can hear him coming and be ready. IF ONLY 'TWERE SO SIMPLE. Munchy, the more aggressive cat, is of course going to be the more active and daring; more likely to climb precarious treelimbs and wiggle into tiny nooks and thereby lose his collar and thence the bell. I just can't keep a collar on him.

Today I have off work, hooray. Oh how I shall treasure my short time of three day work weeks! My boss asked me yesterday if he could increase my hours to full time. I would prefer four days, or a nine day fortnight, to full time, I said. He is going to get back to me, but I am almost sure he will want full time from me. This just means I must finish my program for full registration as a psychologist before the increase in work commences. So today, day off, is to be spent finishing writing up my research project report on online counselling. I can surely get this done today. As soon as I finish this entry, then make some breakfast, then put some laundry on.

Last night during supervision I was writing furious notes as my supervisor outlined her treatment plan for Anorexia and Bulimia, as I have had a sudden influx of young women with eating disorders at work. I filled three pages as she spoke for a ceaseless half hour.
"Jess," she eventually said, "your poor hand. Do you type faster than you write?"
"Yes, of course, by a million miles."
"You should sit at the computer then, to take your notes." How reasonable of her!
"Um, no," I howevered, "I find that I writing by hand lodges information more firmly in my brain. I used to take my laptop to lectures at Uni until I realised I didn't retain as much when I typed my notes as when I scrawled them fervently." (I may not have actually said "scrawled them fervently" but whatevs.)
"Wow, how interesting," she said. She seemed intrigued, and we talked briefly about possible explanations and implications.

I felt mildly guilty, as I don't even know if what I'd said was true. It seemed like it would be true, but really I think I was just comfortable sitting on the couch and writing by hand. Seriously I do not know why I sometimes come out with these silly lies. It would have been so much easier to simply say, "Nah, I'm happy here."

I do it with friends, with family, and have for years. An unfortunate throwback to the entire lives I used to compulsively fabricate as an adolescent, mayhap. Usually, with people I know super well, when I catch myself doing it I'll say pretty soon afterwards, "by the way, that wasn't true at all," and we'll laugh etc. So it's not a huge problem, I just would like to know what the fuck is up with it.

In conclusion I think I will attempt to keep a log of when it happens, along with my thoughts around why then, there, with that person... and eventually uncover the deep-seated, firmly lodged personality flaw that is undoubtedly lurking in my bowels motivating this behaviour, and potentially others as well. In my quest for utter perfection as a human being.

Yep.

Actually,

Date: 2011-06-30 01:54 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Maybe it's a deep-seated desire to wear pink wooly jumpers, that just happens to manifest in strange and wonderful ways! Whatever th case may be, I wish you luck exploring your bowels to find its lurker! Oh, if only I could be there.. =]

Re: Actually,

Date: 2011-06-30 02:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] basement.livejournal.com
ohi.. Dennis! I am reasonably sure that is not it. :)

Date: 2011-06-30 04:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cluckfuster.livejournal.com
Options:
- Instead of just saying 'nah', you've come up with an elaborate explanation that sounds somewhat scientific as why you made the decision to sit and take written notes, rather than it just not bothering you, and that you made the decision out of a lack of thought - so that your supervisor thinks you made a decision that works best for you and doesn't feel like you made that decision because you weren't sure about whether you could be at the computer or not, and just be too far along with your notes to move, even if writing was uncomfortable.
- You made up a scientific sounding story to sound a bit smarter & self-aware, as if this is something that people do in general and you've just observed this because you're interesting
- You made up a story to give yourself a quirky idiosyncrasy that divides you from a group, as if this is something people *don't* do in general, so your supervisor remembers you as an individual
- A Combo? Fuck, I don't know. I'd go with one of those three.

Date: 2011-06-30 04:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cluckfuster.livejournal.com
*Instead of just saying 'nah', you've come up with an elaborate explanation that sounds somewhat scientific as why you made the decision to sit and take written notes, rather than making a regrettable choice out of a lack of thought - so that your supervisor thinks you made a decision that works best for you and doesn't feel like you made that decision because you weren't sure about whether you could be at the computer or not, and just be too far along with your notes to move, even if writing was uncomfortable.

That makes more sense.

Date: 2011-06-30 04:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] basement.livejournal.com
Yeah my instinct is to think of it as a way to possibly build/maintain an "I am thoughtful about everything I do" persona, which would be more relevant with my supervisor who would ideally see me as a superintelligent being. i.e. I care what she thinks of me. Hence the importance of noting the "with whom" aspect of these lapses in honesty as much as the content and etc.

I like ya

Date: 2011-06-30 08:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bird-e.livejournal.com
I think that you exaggerate the truth because you are possessed by demons... an exorcism is what you need :P

Date: 2011-06-30 12:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_cuddlefish_/
That's funny, I do get an odd vibe from you when you through out semi random comments not completely based on the truth or just looking to see what sort of reaction you get. Personally I agree with you about the hand writing thing. I try to find time to write out stuff by hand, I do find that it sticks more. I've even written out theory for a prac write up by hand before writing up the prac. Just so I'm confident in how to manipulate the data.

Ohh long rambly paragraph. Can you tell I've been drinking. Damn housemates :P

backlinks service

Date: 2011-08-15 02:51 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
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From: (Anonymous)
how many time i do not do what i want to do but do what i dont want to do

Date: 2012-01-27 02:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guptauceko.livejournal.com
Огромное человеческое спасибочки!Image (http://zimnyayaobuv.ru/)Image (http://zimnyaya-obuv.ru/)

Date: 2012-02-11 02:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chrotoemxy.livejournal.com
И все же, многое остается не ясным. Если не затруднит, распишите подробнее.Image (http://zimnyayaobuv.ru/)Image (http://zimnyaya-obuv.ru/)

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