Oct. 2nd, 2008 12:38 pm
overocea: (Default)
Just now I was sitting on the front steps looking at my feet, and how weird they are.

I think I have abnormal feet. All the toes are pretty long, but the fourth toe is relatively absurd, like the foots own limb. It has never fit into properly dainty shaped shoes, so has learnt over my lifetime to tuck itself under so that it is now impossible to straighten. Further, because this has caused constant friction between the toeknuckle and the roof of shoes, it has developed a benign corn, a permanent callusy growth that is quite pronounced.

I like my feet and my wayward fourth toe, but... I guess it is rather annoying that it prevents me buying 85% of the shoes I try on. And I hate open-toed shoes with the fiery passion of 1.25 hells.

Also, last night I dreamt I was looking at my face in the mirror, closer and closer, till I was examining the pores, and realised I could see into them, like they were wormholes for parasites. It was pretty gross in there.

Yes, I'm still in my pajamas. <3
overocea: (Default)
Something I wrote in an email a little while ago:
I've noticed very recently that I slightly dislike a reasonably significant proportion of all humanity! Generally people I consider boring, or not genuine.. you know, they're sweetly nice to a person regardless of how they feel about them, which I understand is necessary at times, but... the thought makes me uncomfortable. Nodding and smiling pleasantly when someone is droning on about a subject you're completely disinterested in, or when you've something important to attend to, or when you feel like punching them in the face because you hate the way they mispronounce empathic... wouldn't you rather know if the person you were talking to felt that way?

Working in counselling I've come to place huge importance on genuineness... it's been drilled into my skull: a vital component of a therapeutic relationship, and I seem to have transferred that to everyday life. Well, good! Except that I do seem to offend people more often. Several people have said they admire it, speaking my mind, in the same sentence as saying that it may rub people the wrong way.
A few days after writing it I.. ate some sugarcubes. Oh, we had a sugarcube party, there are photos that other people took:

Sugarcubes tend to magnify one's personality flaws. This is something one notices in others, of course, but usually not oneself. Well, in the days prior to said party I had been dwelling a bit on the improbability of the accuracy of self-knowledge a bit. So I observed the flaws that were magnified in myself, and disliked them.

Personality flaws I must overcome:

Negativity: I make continuous negative, cynical comments. They are most often jokes, my humour is sarcastic, and amusing, sure! but the unfailing negativity of it is unecessary. My nature is a negative one, of course I cannot realistic decide to "overcome" that (if I wanted to, that is), but can definitely refrain from tainting every remark I make with it...

Detachment: On meeting someone new I often exaggerate my indifference, communicate a vague disinterest in the person, remain remote and mysterious. Why? Schizoid airs aside, I think it may be so that if they end up disliking me, they'll never know I care. Of course this is a behaviour that is only going to increase the chances they'll dislike me anyway..! People like to be liked. There are people I like. I should communicate it more.

That's all. Only two flaws? Well, only two that I've picked out.

"It's very rare to find genuine self-knowledge. It's almost as if you need someone else to tell you who you are, or to hold up a mirror for you."

So I could ask someone who knows me quite well my flaws. But... I'm scared they would have some to tell me. I don't really want to hear it.

The party was lovelie, I liked everyone there.. but I don't know how I feel about sugarcubes anymore. Well.. it's bound to not affect a negative person in a positive way, right? It just makes me so awkward, so enormously uncomfortable.

Then again, maybe I just need to eat more.. biscuits with it next time.

Home again

Apr. 20th, 2007 02:45 pm
overocea: (Default)
My last travel post, from home... both thrilled and devastated to be back.

The last two weeks of the journey felt like stolen time; it had to be scoffed down before someone found out we'd appropriated it. Looking back now it's all blurred, and I can't bring myself to write about it. Luckily I've photos.

Trekking in Chiang Mai we visited a mountain village with very interesting accommodation.

Chiang Mai

Ate Tex Mex in Vientiane, Laos, while from our balcony watched a shopkeeper's family have their dinner most comfortably in the street.


Our favourite stop was Vang Vien, also in Laos, a town that seems to exist solely for the pleasure of tourists, who lounge all day in one of 80 cushiony cafes watching Friends on one of the 43569086 widescreen TVs in each cafe.

Vang Vien

But it had gorgeous mountains and rivers. And yes, yes, our favourite travel story: down one of these rivers you can float, having hired an inner tube for around $3. Along the banks of this river teeter makeshift bamboo bars selling beers for less than $1. The bartenders fish you in with lengths of bamboo or rope, then con you into drinking more by offering free shots of rice whisky for every beer you buy. You then float on down to the next bar, chatting to other travellers on the way, paddling drunkenly with your sandals or beer bottles, stopping every now and then to throw yourself off a flying fox or rope swing into the deeper parts of the river.

I didn't risk taking my camera on that particularly wet adventure.

On to the islands, notably Koh Pangan, home to the Full Moon Party. The party itself was unremarkable, however the night before we noticed one of the beach bars had a sign advertising "Happy Shakes."

Koh Phangan

Now that was a very interesting night. Sitting on the beach staring at the horizon, the sky and ocean seemed to fold in on me. We somehow made it back to our bungalow where I lay taking many strange, pointless photos until my memory card was full.

From there to Phuket, which was the most touristy place we'd been yet, but I loved it. Its packed beaches, its tacky knicknacks, its screaming bars, its gaudy ladyboys.


and back to Bangkok to furiously shop before heading back home. and get dreadlocks put in, oh what hideously painful fun that was.

back home

Came back home to a reasonably clean house and no dead pets (thanks, housesitters) but Newt, my beautiful fighter, had advanced dropsy. and I've heaps of bills to pay, and a job to find, and oh, no, life is back.
overocea: (Default)
The sky is a gradient, azure blue to powder blue
Where it meets the sea, which is a gradient, deep green to pale green
Where it meets the white of the waves and of the sand.

sun bath

My skin today is not a gradient, it jumps startlingly from creamy pale to angry red.
overocea: (Default)
The women encircle their necks with brass rings as protection against tiger attacks; not so the men, who are apparently stronger than tigers.

A girl's first rings are given at age 5, with another ring being added each year until her thirtieth.

(She is also taught to apply her own makeup at age 5).


Mar. 9th, 2007 06:33 pm
overocea: (Default)
My experience of Bangkok was both awesome and awful. The capital of Thailand is just crazy. We stayed on Khaosan Road, surely the most chaotic corner of the world. All day and all night the street is lined with stalls and crowded with tourists.

Khaosan Rd

Paid 2000 baht each for ringside seats at the Muay Thai boxing stadium. I was shocked to be watching terribly muscley and scary 10 year olds kicking the shit out of each other. I learned they start training at about 6; I felt terrible for them but it was very exciting all the same. As the fighters grew older & bigger I devised a system of picking the winner... whichever fighter was hotter. This system was accurate 4 of 5 fights.

Lying down Buddha

Visited a few of the thousand temples on every corner of the city, the Dusit zoo which had every animal you can think of (including panthers.. I'd never seen real live panthers. They were stunning... and sad). Watched a python swallow a chicken... well mostly, it was taking simply forever.

mmm yum.

The day we were due to fly to Surat Thani (our connection to Ko Pangan and its full moon party) we slept in because I had lost my mobile phone (our alarm clock). On the way to the airport (our taxi driver zipping in and out of traffic jams like the world would explode if we missed our flight) I realised my iPod was missing. Oops, I guess I hadn't actually lost my phone, I guess someone with a key to our room had BURGLED US. And we missed our flight.

A signpost, hooray!

So instead of the full moon party, we visited the tourist police... who laughed at us as they translated my statement. The next day we were consoled by a visit to the floating market, River Kwai bridge and tiger temple... and spent many, many hours on a squeaky, rattly, not air-conditioned mini-bus. It was grand fun. The floating market was just as in the postcards, but with a few hundred more tourists thrown in. We piled into a flatboat paddled by two insanely cheerful Thai ladies who conversed good-naturedly with everyone we (slowly) passed. Many rickety wooden houses backed onto the canals, each with an unsafe looking pier and boat. People washed their dishes and clothes, children swam, coconut shells were thrown out... all in the canal. It was fairly amazing.

Floating Market way

The tiger temple was... interesting. Around 10 or so tigers chained in a canyon with a line of tourists waiting their turn to be photographed risking death, or something. 1000 baht for a photo of a tiger's head in your lap. The money being used to construct a natural habitat, in which the tigers' offspring will be raised wild, so they can be released. Does the end justify the means? I thought it was fair, I suppose, being that these particular tigers had all been rescued from poachers, sickness or injury.

Aw kitties.

Next stop, Chiang Mai.

from afar

Mar. 1st, 2007 02:15 pm
overocea: (Default)
So so so, I am travelling about South East Asia, in case you didn't know, with the darling & delightful [livejournal.com profile] bird_e, who is currently writing a similar post right beside me.

Started in Kuala Lumpur: shining, stinking city of contradictions. The first thing we did upon arriving at around 5am was eat roti with curry and drink mysterious cucumberish juice in one of the many seedy, partly underground sort-of-cafes.

Jason paying the nice roti man

K.L. has a palpable air of decay, the close mildew'd buildings with rusty, teetering balconies under which trash overflows, and tiny half-tailed cats chase tiny rats. The streets smell of char, sewerage, rotting flesh and whatever the food vendors are cooking on their car-battery powered terribly unhygienic looking stalls. Road rules are non-existent and darting between the zipping motorbikes and taxis fighting for your attention is quite an adventure.


We got terribly lost on footpaths, staircases and underpasses that lead to dead-ends. Bought $2 Gucci wallets and $4 Loius Vuitton hats, bartering by passing a calculator back and forth to the vendor. Had banana leaf meals in an Indian restaurant where I was the only person not eating with my fingers.


Dutifully went up the Petronas Towers, into the air-conditioned mega-shopping-centres, outside which rows of shoeshiners and women selling silk scarves quick-as-anything scoop up their wares and bolt when security guards come sauntering past.

petronas towers petronas towers

Climbed around 340 perilous enough even if they weren't banana-peel-strewn steps to the Batu caves, dodging flying coconuts the monkeys were hurling down to break open & eat them.

most misheivous

batu caves

Thus much exhausting fun is being had. We're in Bangkok at the moment, but that is another story.
overocea: (black & white)
look upon it in awe. AWE:

overocea: (junglegirl)

if only my head were a window
overocea: (Default)
I have been thinking so much.

My next relationship will be quite normal and healthy, I think. Involving not moving in or getting married within the first week, not desperate or obsessive, not so sweep away romantic, so gorged on each other we waste away from the rest of life, etc.

ah. but can I help myself? I have sweep-away-romantic, obsessive tendencies, and am attracted to, seem to attract, others with them also.

It would be much easier to go back to my super-independent, prefers to be alone/never gets lonely old self. What happened to her?

Well. Today I am going up to top-of-mountain Atherton to have devonshire coffee over a crater-lake. hurrah!

Also. Love my pretty black kittens so much I want to be one too:


or at least have eyes that glow and shoot people blind.


Jun. 8th, 2006 02:16 pm
overocea: (follow my fishie)
1. prepare for the worst: always have a back up plan.
2. know your facts: do the research inside out.
3. develop your story and beyond: leave no room for question.
4. create a situation in which the possibility of a lie would be absurd.
5. self delusion: it is not a lie. if you can convince yourself you can convince anyone.
6. TRUST NO ONE: never tell. the truth does not exist.

I always felt I should have been born on a Wednesday. Alas, I am Thursday's child. oh yes:

Monday’s child is fair of face,
Tuesday’s child is full of grace,
Wednesday’s child is full of woe,
And Thursday’s child has far to go.
Friday’s child is loving and giving,
And Saturday’s child has to work for a living.
But the child is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and lucky and wise and gay.

Felon woke me up at 6am vomiting on my bed. YUCK. but I still love her. I wrote of her when she was a baby, October 2004, her cute quirks:
  • she purrs constantly. I haven't once not heard her purr in the 5 days since I picked her up.
  • she lies on the desk while i'm at the computer and kitten-hisses at the cursor moving around the screen (kitten-hisses are like little facial explosions).
  • when about to use her kitty litter, she pounces it first like she's going to prey-murder it.
  • she can't seem to learn that jumping up through a glass tabletop is not possible.
  • she eats SO MUCH. it's like she feels guilty for all the starving kittens in Abyssinia. and when she eats a lot her stomach swells out really huge like she swallowed a magic 8ball whole and if you shake her she'll vomit enigmatic answers to desperate "does he love me?"s

and meet today's entertainments:


rich text

Apr. 9th, 2006 10:41 pm
overocea: (follow my fishie)
the last few days i've been blackly low, interspersed with flashes of improbable high. I don't understand why.

Thursday: got drunk & played scrabble.

Friday: spent the day wandering the city, spending money with a shovel & spade. i've a definite city-routine: starting at the myer centre I have sushi train, go sit out in the mall to watch and/or photograph people, wander the streets a bit, shoppe (1. book shoppes, 2. toy shoppes, 3. second-hand shoppes, 4. music shoppes, 5. possible ankle-length skirt shoppes), procure a) a boost juice or b) a starbuck & safari the botanical gardens till I find a nice splay-spot where I a) read, b) write or c) watch people some more. I then walk to south bank where if i'm not exhausted I visit a) the museum, b) the art gallery, c) the library and/or d) the markets (if it's a weekend) after which I will be exhausted so buss home.

Saturday: made Dennis take me garage saling, yay! it's amazing how many garage sales there are in my area Saturday mornings.. just driving random suburban streets you'll pass dozens. I bought a rather cute "nursery wardrobe" for $20. previously my clothes had been hanging from a broomstick wedged up in the bedroom-corner. well, some of them. the rest were in three other wardrobes. ahem.

Sunday: on previous days i'd woken as usually vivrely.. i'm usually motivated in the morning & full of wonderous plans. today, however I woke low, & stayed low. spent the day moping & avoiding interaction. but! did get my mannequin base-coated:


now just need to decide how to colour her..

& went to see ice age 2, which entertained me, but not so well as th first one. & oh, I need to see march of the penguins.


Aug. 1st, 2004 05:38 pm
overocea: (i might)
they just might

who was it who said that when you blow your nose it's pieces of brain.. in the tissue?
who was it who said we need sadness to appreciate joy?

though.. i'm sure it was heaps.

my name is Jessica.

i've risen

Feb. 4th, 2004 07:47 pm
overocea: (Default)
two middle-of-the-citie boys crossing the street-busy, carrying a computer between them, approximately half way dropped it. it happened in slow motion, the graceful slip from one of their clumsy grasps, then the fumbling other, and the shattering on the asphalt like a giant mechanic drop of rain. the cars half-screeching to a halt all around them, the pedestrians faltering mid-step, and the look of shock/horror on their faces exactly to any funniest-home-video script. I would have taken a photo, but 1) it happened far too quickly, despite its slow-motion, 2) my digital camera's picture-perfect memory was already full, and 3) they made it safely to the other side without dropping it. ah, well.

so here's a different one.
overocea: (Default)
all I need is a five minute hug
futile, furor, furled, fuscous, furrowed, furtive, fusion

if you can breathe water, why not earth?
anything washes with me
you wouldn't believe how happy i've been
I laugh 36 "ha"s a day.

miles and miles of time
couldn't be safer
made up of moments
what'mI trying to say

Thursday is my favourite day.

I don't know, but it seems teeth shouldn't be in smiles.

seeing the world in black&white )

think i'll start spelling should'nt, could'nt, ca'nt.

hey wait

Jun. 22nd, 2003 11:03 pm
overocea: (Default)
she was drunk & burst into tears, "I don't want to go back to my life!"
"oh wow, that's so sad," said my mother.


invalid. I used to love the word, it would conjure a wan (also a loved word), white-faced, frail & breakable girl with dark, dark eyes and dark hair, lying against the hugest, softest pillow in the hugest, grandest bed, surrounded by solemn loved ones. the pillow & bedclothes are white, turning her skin deathly grey, hair spread out like a dishevelled darkness spilling into her head, & the air made heavy & almost visible by all the flowers.


Apr. 12th, 2003 02:44 pm
overocea: (Default)
the way i've been feeling has nothing to do with the grumpy bear staring at me.

i'm perfectly designed.

shaved my head the other day. mostly.

:) X 83
but I only have so many smiles in my lifetime so i'd betternotusethemup.
overocea: (I feel mightie)
every time you think of me my mind becomes a drum
& my heart becomes a thing & I become

you're far too easy on yourself

lick it up calmly, like milk, it doesn't affect me. that a child's eyes are empty
lol. & i'm surrounded by ordinary angels.

i'm alive now don't waste my time

3 years ago you could cut & cut & cut yourself
but now i'll whirlwind you away from sharp things with understanding smiles
how do you afford it?

biting my fingers the whole time !! well! flesh seems made to be bitten off & in my throat!
tick tock. i'm waiting.

a tower

Apr. 5th, 2003 12:13 am
overocea: (Default)

she ever comes

like "we'll see" always means "yes."

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