UGH

Oct. 11th, 2011 01:22 pm
overocea: (Default)
WRITING RESEARCH REPORTS IS BULLSHIT. why THE FUCK would I ever want to do a PHD JESUS CHRIST.

10% done. kill me.

This is from one of the articles I am reading for my literature review:
A longitudinal study found that mental disorders pose a risk for involvement in abusive relationships among both sexes and were a source of mental disorders among women but not among men.
WHAT? Am I going insane? Has my reading comprehension been abducted by aliens? Didn't they just claim that mental disorders, as well as being a risk factor for abusive relationships, are also a source of MENTAL DISORDERS? WTF, AUTHORS?

overocea: (Default)
I just read through some of my notes from health psychology to try and find a word synonymous with 'pathogen' that I'd been trying to recall the past day spent wracked with the worst allergic reaction of all my lives. "It's like invader," I'd say. An antagonistic, er, aggressive, perhaps metaphorical description of a foreign body. Antigen. Alien. Illegal immigrant... I just couldn't recall. Well, I found it; it was foreign invader. How disappointing. I had remembered the term without knowing it. I thought it was better though.

Anyway I continued reading my lecture notes after finding the reference, for fun, and am smiling at some of my descriptions.. how I interpreted things so I could make sense of and remember them. "Macrophages (big chompers making up 5% of phagocytes) are totally the best; while phagocytes eat up pathogens, macrophages take a taste of the pathogen's shape, then race through the entire body screeching for the lymphocytes that match that shape so it can tell them we need more, morrrrre of these specialised chompers! Tcells and Bcells galore!"

I remember imagining little chomping phagocytes and big chomping macrophages, like different species of pacmen, racing through my body with little detectors that go BING when they identify delicious non-self foreign invaders. CHOMP

There is also a drawing of a spinal cord with a picket fence style literal pain gate. & got an HD, betch.

I wrote a lot of quite enormous papers that are really rather good. I'm tempted to use one for a current project I am overdue on and haven't started yet... but can't. It would be so easy! but I can't do it. haha. idiot.
overocea: (Default)
I just watched Brene Browne's TED talk on vulnerability. It was okay; she was very engaging and amusing, but it could have been half the length with the same weighted message. Anyway, she was talking about "whole-hearted" people: people who have a sense of worthiness, of love and belonging (compared to people who struggle for it and wonder if they're good enough). As I was listening I was thinking, well, I would most certainly be hearted wholly. I do believe I am worthy of love and belonging (and thus am loved and do have a sense of belonging).

As she began to list those qualities that the whole-hearted have which may contribute to this, I was ready to hear a list of my own admirable traits:

Courage: the courage to be imperfect
Compassion: to be kind to themselves and others
Connection: the ability to let go of who they think they should be, and just be who they are.. and thus enable connection with others

Yes, yes, yes, I thought. Absolutely she is describing me. I knew it.

Vulnerability: having the willingness to risk uncomfortable thoughts and feelings when there are no guarantees.

Oh. Well, sure, I do believe that what makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful, that vulnerability is absolutely necessary... sure, yes.

For others, I mean. Maybe it would be true for me, too, maybe maybe. But maybe it would just hurt. Maybe it would be catastrophically awful.

I will not say "I love you" first. I will not ask for help when I can muddle through by my own insufficient ability in thrice the time. I will not put my hand up in case I am not chosen.

I will not risk shame.

Gosh, I was so sure I was whole-hearted.
overocea: (Default)
how do I start writing again?



after so long not it seems an unachievable feat. something that had been such a huge part of my every day seems now.. not worth the time! and so hard..
how did this happen?

not even my daily, which was always so easy.. noting down memorable/unmemorable events/thoughts.
not even uni stuf! I should have finished my second introduction draft today, ..

my thesis. hmm.
well it's on food sharing.
how people from different groups sharing food can influence observers' perceptions of intergroup relations.

it's amazing how many people,
when I tell them this,
say "I thought psychologists researched useful stuff."

well why would anyone think that? psychology, useful?

anyway.
after a year of not writing..
a year my octogenarian me will have forgot happened
forgot happened..
I need to write a summary of it, the year. okay. goal #1. it can even be in list format, so it's not so ..
...
procrastination-inspiring.
overocea: (I feel mightie)
whilst researching my criminology essay I frequently come across:
psychopathy, the term forensic psychology uses to refer to something almost the equivalent to antisocial personality disorder; put simply, someone with no remorse, empathy or conscience.

conscience!
1. The awareness of a moral or ethical aspect to one's conduct together with the urge to prefer right over wrong.
2. A source of moral or ethical judgment or pronouncement.
3. Conformity to one's own sense of right conduct.

definitions of words thoroughly confuse me, because words seem far more than their literal meanings. my dictionary would have at least two pages per word.

conscience. of course it is difficult in a world of a thousand various forms of parent per person to not have grown up to know the difference between right and wrong, the consequences of them both and the collective one's preference between the two. thus when choosing between right and wrong, justifications aside, one almost invariably knows which is which!
the knowledge alone can't be conscience, as psychopaths know what is wrong, they just choose wrong anyway.

are remorse, guilt, shame, pity, empathy, moral outrage! self-disgust/reproach, et cetera part of conscience?
if you know to murder is wrong, yet feel no shame, remorse or empathy and commit it anyway, you've no conscience. obvious.
if you know murder is wrong, yet would feel shame, remorse or empathy and commit it anyway... your conscience is a pussy and your id reigns supreme.

if you know murder is wrong, yet would feel no shame, remorse or empathy, yet do not commit it because you know it's wrong?
overocea: (Default)
This, pretty much word for word, is my train of thought on the 7:20 2A bus this morning:

I spend $2.70 per day on the bus
($1.35 each way, because there's no such thing as a student return ticket),
4 days per week.
Plus a $7 24 hour beaches pass to go into the city for groceries.
That's $17.80 per week on the bus.

How much does the average Australian student spend per week on petrol? More or less?

Of course, you'd have to deduct for the added freedom and comfort a car brings, not that the bus is uncomfortable, but being alone is always preferable to being accompanied by strangers who are sometimes loud and/or smelly. Then, too, you'd have to add for the additional atmospheric pollution an extra car on the road would contribute, as well as my inexplicable fear of driving and likelihood of 759364920 accidents per day, which I suppose would decrease the longer I'd been driving. And certainly you'd have to add for the initial cost of the car, as well as insurance, registration and maintenance, not to mention lost reading time, for I'm pretty sure you can't simultaneously read and drive.

*ten million hearts in place of ellipses*

This, pretty much word for word, is my train of thought in my 3-5pm Psych lecture:

I really need to take a picture of this theatre as full as it is now. I'm sitting three rows from the back, way up the top, and can still read, all the way down the front, on one of those puny little blackboards, that some supreme being has written:

if you read this
your gay


Um, hello? Isn't a University traditionally meant to be populated by, if not intelligent, then educated people, who at least have a grasp on basic grammar?

Not only that, the lecturer is talking about Freud's sex and child development theories. I'm not far from three girls with bleached hair, tank tops and diet pepsi who groan and shudder dramatically every time she says "vagina," burst out laughing at every mention of "penis envy," and who have said "ewww, this is soooo disgusting," about 999999 times.

*ten million farts in place of ellipses*

I know my word for word trains of thought because I wrote them down at the time in my wrinkly all-purpose notebook, which, as soon as it's full, will be left... somewhere. Do you know how thrilled I'd be to find some stranger's all-purpose notebook in a long-vacated library booth, park bench, bus stop or trampled, muddy roadside?

Anyway, my initial purpose in posting was to tell you all to take this personality quiz. It was given to my psych class two weeks ago, and we got the results back today, which were simply grand. Your results will also be grand. Here is a conditional that proves it:

If P then Q
P
Therefore, Q

P = take quiz
Q = results grand

February 2017

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
1213 1415161718
19202122232425
262728    

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 28th, 2017 10:58 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios