overocea: (Default)
I am so afraid of doing so wrong that I falter and start, mumble and fart
about, do nothing and nothing more, until I have no choice anymore,
and am saved! no more decisions for me, hurray.
I'll live to while away
a few more hapless, harried days.

so much life spent being
sad and uncertain and sorry and scared. how silly, how silly, how silly.
but, well, as long as everyone hurts but me
(sighing, staring longingly
while I spit my prettie words like coins,
hugely blinking shining, guileless eyeshadows
at all the girls &boys),
yes, maybe. maybe, perhaps, we'll see..
as long as, till then, you keep feeding me.
I need, I need, I need.

eh, dishonesty.
look, here I go,
I snarl and tear my only flesh,
already purple and red and grey,
eaten away.
eating for the rotten part
but there's so much in the way.

I start to think there never was
any quite so rotten
as that I've chewed to bleeding death.
but, well...
even my own miserable flaws are more enthralling by far than anyone elses's enchantingly shining traits
any day. :)

"Whenever she felt lost in the endless deserts of insomnia she would take up the labyrinthian thread of her life again from the beginning to see if she could find at what moment the paths had become confused."
overocea: (Default)
oh, oh. I'm in love.
love love love love love you dark and long

fall in love with people
all all all the time
and love it, love it so! I love love so; I do.

I feel so tingly, alive and squirmy
I feel my insides like they try to leap ouT!
I feel, oh gosh, I shiver.
oh my. what do I do?

I'll tell you. I dream and smile
and wish and why
and just love it and that is all.

yeah.. it's all I need.
overocea: (Default)
I am noticing little flashes of dark paranoia: like thinking a shrub in my corner vision is some twisted creature spying, or about to attack, till I leap and notice it is but a shrub. but mostly I am happy.. I can't turn my smile off! if I notice something that is sad or mad I am mostly capable of quickly distracting myself, my mind like a twitchy bird, catching ideas like bugs.

my brain wanting to see things in the trees... shapes that are.
we're such pattern pickers.
the veins in my limbs mirror the rivers & streams
the branches & trees
the skeletons of leaves.

I would like to be an empty vessel, blown about by uncommon events occuring in my vicinity.

my left knee keeps telling me it doesn't want to be.. my legbends are much like wingbends.
ah, another bird analogy! am as one, today. a thing of nature.

I could just as easily be a deep-sea creature; jellylike. incomprehensible propulsion. illuminated from within, my own would be the only light for me.
life under pressure
scare tactics & survival mode
temperature & tremor
breathless, voiceless, sunless, lungless.

like a table with two chairs set out at 45 degree angles being so much more inviting than if they were pushed all the way in, merely perfunctory functional.
o, but a construct.. how inorganic of me, she muttered with disappointment.

my flesh is as any thing's flesh. my construction needs more swirls & spirals, but the fractals in my pores & wrinkles will do... for now.
overocea: (junglegirl)


if only my head were a window
I'D THROW IT WIDE OPEN
overocea: (black & white)
what you think is 10,000 times more important than what anyone else thinks.
what you want is at least twice as important as what anyone else wants. make them happy, but make yourself happy first.
don't be charitable because it makes you feel good about yourself. be charitable because it makes you feel good that the people you've helped are happier.

ask yourself what being angry will accomplish.
all negative emotion can be overcome.
people cause their own cancer.

if you fear something, learn about it. 10% chance of fearing it if you understand it.
fear is the worst reason to not do anything.
boredom is the worst reason to go to bed.
sadness is the worst reason for suicide.

don't smile for anyone but yourself. don't smile to hide your sadness if you're sad.
if something makes you sad, and you can do something about it, but don't, you lose all right to complain, or even mention your sadness.
if you're sad, don't sit by yourself in the dark and think about razors. go have lunch with your mumm.

feel free to walk away from the middle of conversations.
don't spend more than ten minutes per day thinking about how you look.
don't say you can't do something if you haven't tried it.

&&

don't lie. don't litter. don't be cruel to strangers.
it's easier to keep friends than it is to make new ones.
people with pets live longer.

eat every day. sleep every day. exercise your brain.
use both your brain and your heart when making decisions.
listen to your favourite song over and over.
keep a journal. don't assume someone else will someday read it.

no extreme is healthy.
don't do something just because it's easier than the alternative.
don't feel obligated.

decide beforehand the most you're willing to pay.
it's better to regret something you did do than something you didn't do.
tomorrow isn't guaranteed.

don't tell your children santa claus is real.
tell your children there is more than your way to think.
love your children more than you do yourself, & say it every day. tuck them in. read to them.

hugs are a necessity.
have fun.
overocea: (dared)
out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
and I eat men like air


so! classes start this week.
...prompting the cessation of thought.

every now and then I become overwhelmed with the desire to cut everyone I know out my life. and everyone I don't. but I think I adore everyone I don't know a little bit more. like when strawberries taste like dust. teeny tiny flakes of skin and dead cockroach.

fairy floss & fairy bread
sulci and gyri
myopic rods and blue cones
prop open my spinal gateway

I am terrified of my own sclera

ain't it funny, that
pale-faced captivation could be
coupled with a bleak mouth, funereal
silence.


like when people on ICQ expect me to answer their black&white "wanna chat?"s

past creations generally have this talent for making me cringe. sometimes I can bring myself to recreate them.



the most adorable thing in the world is a yawning numbat. if you ever see it you'll know instantly why.

I made my nanna a website. get married. it is fun.

I can't pay my rent. I should be slightly concerned. instead I sway and giggle.
modest mouse make me smile.

edit: when Felon stalks geckos and sparrows and houseflies she does this very weird vibratey thing with her mouth. i've never seen any other cat do it (and i've seen lots of stalky cats). I call it rattling. well I shriek it rattling. I mean it fills me with so much glee to see her do it because it's so cute that I scream "she's rattling!!"

anyway? I just learned it has a name, and an evolutionary explanation! I am slightly thrilled.

k, it's 4am, if i'm not asleep within the hour i'll suffocate myself to get there, dammit.

infury

Sep. 27th, 2005 07:50 pm
overocea: (andromeda)
I am decidedly anxious/raging. shuddering, stuttering, fluttering; having fits of explosive passion, shattering crockery, windows & other peoples' skeletons; roaring, howling, bleating, gnarling, blind with blood..
  to the soothing strains of harp & flute, ambient lighting, drifting incense and tulips/roses. arr.. rrrrrrrrrrrrr.

dissolve/absolve
impale, i'm pale
wrack me/rack me/skeen my spine, align me
IT'S ALL RIGHT I'M USED TO IT
overocea: (follow my fishie)
I want to paint on nosebleeds
swing wildly to one direction or the other
see some other broken and unsightly quarter of the world

my throat closes
it appreciates silence, turns golden
until i draw breath to speak
(then it closes)

a little disappointed that nothing leaves me aching and gasping for breath except running 2km to catch a BUS. YEAH. THAT'S ME. WHATEVER.


attention span: GO!

crack out

Nov. 16th, 2004 11:27 am
overocea: (andromeda)
I get spams with subjects like "they're light-minded," "his closed eyelids," "the moonlight melted," "his confidence will ooze out if this situation does not olden," "satisfy blackburn denotative as any necrotic a nobody," "It's a fine aggregation, I assure you" and "skip the solid earth, and land lower down than I intended."

well, I did make them slightly prettier.

eyes perpetually squinted shut against the blast of sight
oh &! mouth perpetually open, just in case. well closing it may mean preventing the escape of some lovely utterance.
just in case I blow out.

I am studying. I am.

strangels

Aug. 1st, 2004 05:38 pm
overocea: (i might)
they just might

who was it who said that when you blow your nose it's pieces of brain.. in the tissue?
who was it who said we need sadness to appreciate joy?

though.. i'm sure it was heaps.
well..

my name is Jessica.
overocea: (the spell)
ah, how unreliable I am, in every way that I could be. I secretly can't stand this journal.

lying awake:
anger, resentment and dislike are weakness,
so is attachment; ah, Shakyamuni! how attached I am.. probably resentful, too.
a piece of my peace of mind,
which is, of course, lit like a black&white movie
leave your life behind every day, ask for more, know you're right, burn and burn and burn. blah.



more than marrow: oversouled/soul-soured

given and giving going inside
speaking from emotion
an outpooring, pouring out of the
red sequins swimming with[letme!]in

teeth white, eyes bright
mirror image horrid sight
smoke it up till you blow
away (your self or your
image, and it's a trip
either way)

of time

May. 12th, 2004 10:20 pm
overocea: (Default)
eloquent
misgiving
chagrin
bells ring in the morning

everything i've ever done is absolutely mortifying, death-defying
oh, well, I might as well
die myself!

I speak every other day, &
ah, all those wasted apologies ..

how much of your life have you control over?
oh,
bugger.
I hereby disconnect myself from everything.

don't feel bad about anything
double-blink it
a matter OF COURSE

fuck me
over.

past:

Nov. 10th, 2003 11:16 pm
overocea: (Default)
people in pain are attractive
45 seconds between heartbeats

there is a way to fall in love
(such as keeping his used toothpaste tubes forever)
loved, loving.
you're allowed to take it back (I don't deserve it)
be mine
i'd give you all day
if you'd smile at yourself in the mirror

ah. as long as we're making things everything'll be fine.
tire yourself out every day. burst out laughing.

can one person have More potential than another?
they can't help looking down when you look them in the eye

insects bleed copious amounts of bright red blood
you're free to react as extremely as you wish
a bed with curtains
bad thoughts. bad words.
go ahead, guess what my favourite word is. it wouldn't be hard, even spelled correctly.

sigh. sigh. i'm so uncertain. need to discertain.
I use the enter key in place of punctuation. that's all.
overocea: (Default)
all I need is a five minute hug
futile, furor, furled, fuscous, furrowed, furtive, fusion
fustian

if you can breathe water, why not earth?
anything washes with me
you wouldn't believe how happy i've been
I laugh 36 "ha"s a day.

miles and miles of time
couldn't be safer
smile
snakes
made up of moments
what'mI trying to say

Thursday is my favourite day.

I don't know, but it seems teeth shouldn't be in smiles.

seeing the world in black&white )

think i'll start spelling should'nt, could'nt, ca'nt.
overocea: (can you hear them)
i'm in a shoebox-shaped room lit by TV fuzz
green walls (dinted, scarred, peeling)
wooden floor (cigarette burns and unidentifiable stains)
red couch (sagging, smells like semen and bile)
6 ex-bourbon bottle candleholders (crumbling wax and spiderspit)
the air is secondhand smoke and dust motes (mites?)

my insides are scraped purple raw (no more, please no more!)
my mouth has been stretched as far as it will go (now limp and dragging, gagging)
i've peeled my fingers to the bone (hoping they were keys)



my eyes are filled with sugar and teeth
and vodka, because I forget everything bad and add exclamations to all my words and would embrace every passerby
(everything is 8octaves higher, 8seconds faster, 8degrees hotter)
overocea: (I feel mightie)
tulip trees and
and me, shimmering into angry shattered fragments
grey on grey on grey passing away
and thinking all day long nothing's going to save you

i'm naked but it doesn't matter 'cause i'm transparent (and sinking into the floor)

I can afford to go anywhere
roses hung upside down over pillows
I wonder how many goats I am worth
waiting on swings for buses!
I feel wasted

stop taking pictures of me while i'm sleeping

i'd rather hurt than sing
insults should be whispered directly into ears
(and tears should be dropped directly onto tears)

I think it's about time my love had a love and
stopped holding life like a hammer

yaknow?
see her? it's her fault.
fault fault fault fault ault fault fault fault fault fault fault fault fault fault fault fault failt fault fail

WHOSE fault is everything?
whose FAULT is everything?
whose fault IS everything?
guess what comes nexxxt
(every second, I mean).

eyemagine

May. 10th, 2003 11:16 pm
overocea: (can you hear them)
i'd just like to point out to every one that
NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING.
so if you're some one & you think you know something, I assure you you don't.

cellulite & acne, lipstick mark, claw mark,
on the same cheek.

teeth marks, burns & scars, cuts & bruises, varicose veins, carpet burn, nappy rash, frostbite.

black eye = black heart/soul/lungs
black brain, black blood, black bones,
black head.

rupture, rift & rend. dead weight. suck in a breath.
?marks the spot.


I shudder to think.

& I added as a friend everyone with "unkempt hair" as an interest.
unkempt, unkept. bird's nest, wasps' nest. dishevelled, lost & alone, whirlwind, static electricity, my but you're dirty. come in & get warm, have some soup & a bath, i've some spare clothes & a spare bed.

I imagine the best thing ever is hugging someone who's wearing your clothes.
overocea: (I feel mightie)
every time you think of me my mind becomes a drum
& my heart becomes a thing & I become

you're far too easy on yourself

lick it up calmly, like milk, it doesn't affect me. that a child's eyes are empty
lol. & i'm surrounded by ordinary angels.

i'm alive now don't waste my time



3 years ago you could cut & cut & cut yourself
but now i'll whirlwind you away from sharp things with understanding smiles
bah
blah
how do you afford it?

biting my fingers the whole time !! well! flesh seems made to be bitten off & in my throat!
tick tock. i'm waiting.
overocea: (Default)
the wind is talking to the flowers
wrap my arms around you like bandages,
hundred times tip to toe the length of you.
you'll never see anything again but my skin


I intuitively expect...
*exasperates*

I can't help it, I'm a dread-head;
breaking my neck.

beautiful wonderful.

& a bagillion love poems & background music & plums in the sun/shade/water/glass &
lamenting children.


mend the pieces

oh yeah, one more thing.
MY THROAT IS A MESS OF PULSATING, VIOLENTLY RED AGONY SHREDS.
haha

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