overocea | (no subject)

today was a highly unusual day.

I have always really liked to be on my own. i've decided many times that i'm best on my own, and am thus meant to be so. I only seem to deeply think when alone, and to be creative, and to be myself.

well i'm on my own for the first time in around a year & a half. and i'm not used to it.
i've been craving alone-time for months, and now? i'm bored. i'm lonely.

me! lonely!
why, it's absurd!

in fact after a weekend of moping I only just admitted it today, when, after my 9am class, I found I didn't want to go home. to my lonely home.
so I didn't. instead I spent NINE HOURS
at uni, simply sitting and talking to semi-friends.

and had some very enlightening conversations.

Anjali reports that I stand out because of my blackness, after I told her I wear black so i'll be invisible. I think it was the most honest answer i've ever given to "so why do you always wear black?" yet.

James reports that I am MACHO. I was horrified.
he didn't say that. he said I have many masculine qualities, e.g. a huge protective shield I never let down, etc, that he figures I modelled after a macho male in my early life. this is because I am apparently hiding my devastation at breaking up with Dennis. come to think of it, Dennis also pointed out that my lack of devastation was male-like. hmm.

Liz reports that Anais is a frightful role model. and I realised it's true. but I can't help it! she thrills me so. she makes me think she's me. (she has masculine qualities too!)

a girl whose name I never processed so couldn't remember if I tried (I seem to never be listening when people tell me their names) reports that I am possibly the only person doing honours who hasn't begun writing their introduction. hello? I haven't even begun researching it!

she also asked me to live in Italy with her. I can't wait!

so I am feeling hopeful. tomorrow I think I will go into the city and take many pictures.