now she's gone

[overocea]

my sociology tutor is a funny man (a general, whatever that is. how awful it must be to be called "general." hi there, general! wassup?) going bald much too young. I am apparently the only student in my class whom he knows by name, thus he is constantly calling on me to give my opinion on whatever current social issue we're supposed to be discussing at the time.

the last one was the workforce. would society function without a labour division?
"yes," every one collectively answered on cue. "sure it would. why not?" of course, because even mentioning the fact that the labour division exists is so not PC.
"Jessica?" he said, "I know I seem to be picking on you, but you always seem to have an opinion."
ONLY 'CAUSE YOU ALWAYS ASK ME. I CAN'T EXACTLY SAY NOTHING BECAUSE YOU'LL REMEMBER ME NO MATTER WHAT I SAY & IF I SAY NOTHING YOU'LL REMEMBER THAT & FAIL ME. "it's a stupid question," I said.
he barked a mixture of a laugh and an incredulous "huh?!"
I recalled the time the topic was education, and he asked why females consistently do better in primary and secondary schooling than males & I answered "because girls are smarter." he uttered the same discordant then (YES, I KNOW IT'S AN ADJECTIVE), before insisting I elaborate, at which I think I shrugged & looked away, disgusted with myself and him.
so this time I obliged: "you couldn't have no labour division. one sort of person is good at and likes one type of job, another type of person likes another. upper class people are groomed for certain jobs, lower class people with less education take what they can get. it wouldn't work any other way. even if you tried to eradicate it, it would naturally creep on back because it's just the way we are. thus, the question is stupid."

I actually said that. do you think I would say anything even remotely like that outside of a sociology tutorial? I can't bear the terms class or division. I don't believe in them & it's because of them I don't believe in or WANT society at all.
nothing depresses me as much as sociology. I have an essay due in a few weeks & the topic is "does race determine intelligence?" OH. MY. GOD. oh my god.

and it is expressly preferred that we do NOT bring up the war. I can just imagine. I don't care what is going on because it does not affect me. saddam hussein is an evil man. war is necessary. weapons of mass destruction. THAT IS ALL CHANNEL 10 HAS TOLD ME SO THAT IS ALL THERE IS.

so i'm still disgusted with myself. and miserable. and lonely. i'm sure they're all related.
can't believe I admitted any of them