basement quashed

I am decidedly anxious/raging. shuddering, stuttering, fluttering; having fits of explosive passion, shattering crockery, windows & other peoples' skeletons; roaring, howling, bleating, gnarling, blind with blood..
  to the soothing strains of harp & flute, ambient lighting, drifting incense and tulips/roses. arr.. rrrrrrrrrrrrr.

dissolve/absolve
impale, i'm pale
wrack me/rack me/skeen my spine, align me
IT'S ALL RIGHT I'M USED TO IT

livejournal. I haven't had anything to say to you, lately. I find you strange & despicable. maybe 'cause i'm sick, but you know, I doubt it. probably because I haven't had anything to say (fullstop). you know! went to the doctor again & she said I either have a virus or a brain tumour. I wonder if I get to choose. here is something I wrote down weeks & weeks ago:

people who are constantly sick are usually sad, generally sad. all the invalid mothers who die young aren't loved by their husbands; all the sickly, weak & undersized children aren't loved by their mothers. people who die from cancer have repressed negativity, probably throughout their entire lives! if I could step into the day & heave a giant breath of sunsparkling air, throw my shoulders back & everything off them!

I never finished the thought. the current one is that I probably won't be updating. indefinitely.