basement quashed

Just now I was sitting on the front steps looking at my feet, and how weird they are.

I think I have abnormal feet. All the toes are pretty long, but the fourth toe is relatively absurd, like the foots own limb. It has never fit into properly dainty shaped shoes, so has learnt over my lifetime to tuck itself under so that it is now impossible to straighten. Further, because this has caused constant friction between the toeknuckle and the roof of shoes, it has developed a benign corn, a permanent callusy growth that is quite pronounced.



I like my feet and my wayward fourth toe, but... I guess it is rather annoying that it prevents me buying 85% of the shoes I try on. And I hate open-toed shoes with the fiery passion of 1.25 hells.

Also, last night I dreamt I was looking at my face in the mirror, closer and closer, till I was examining the pores, and realised I could see into them, like they were wormholes for parasites. It was pretty gross in there.

Yes, I'm still in my pajamas. <3

I have moved too Brisbane and Griffith University. in one week I will dissect a human brain. tooday is my mother's birthday.

my 2004 calendar is woeful! i've nothing too say for months.

one year ago: I can't help it, i'm a dread-head;
two years ago: anymore my brain's gone tough
three years ago: i'm talking to the aliens in my brain.
four years ago: behead the twelve white roses in the garden.

1. if I could fly I could fall from unimaginable height.
2. I need as many lungs as a tree needs leaves.
3. if i'd been born blind i'd think everyone was lying.
4. oh i wish, I wish I could have a nightmare. desperate but unsuccessful attempts at running, screaming but nothing comes out! it's right behind me, it's sucking me in, I know it's there but I can't see it, I can't move!
5. I retract everything i've ever said.
6. well, you can say whatever you like, as long as you touch me every ten minutes or so, or not object if I touch you every two!
7. how do you know sound exists?
8. too many people live in their mouths. but! everyone has a whole LIFE!
9. it's ok, I don't mind, if you want, it's up to you (antipathy, boredom, contempt, disdain).
10. listen, if you could just
pull up, plug up, overflow, undergo, go.
i'll pretend I never was until I never am.

just don't bother,
and don't bother me.

now is time to look away:

Semester 1.
my first lecture is in 13 hours, and it is for anthropology.
i'm sure that 10 miles deep in the bubbles of my lungs is some small remnant of enthusiasm.

my biggest wish today is that I could adequately explain my dream. if I rolled my eyes to the back, they dissolved, and eventually reformed a different colour. I could see it as it happened as though I was simply wearing eye-patterned kaleidoscope goggles. I remember exactly how I looked with blue eyes. for a time my skin was the texture of over-ripe lemons. I made that last part up.