evil is the route of all evol
Jun. 19th, 2006 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
overoceaI really, really need to _____. I am horribly frustrated.
HORRIBLY. and miserable. I wish I could be ragingly furious instead. ooo.
well I just got off the phone with Dennis.
I talk to him at least twice, thrice per day. if, for some reason, I don't answer my phone(s), he rings and rings them both until I do, leaving 10-20 messages. and SMSs. and emails. and comments on my livejournal. and messages on my friends' phones asking if they know where I am. and messages on my mumm's phone asking if she's spoken to me recently. etc.
okay he's only done those last few once or twice.
see, i'm his best friend. the only one who understands etc. the only one to whom he's completely opened up and poured etc. the love of his etc.
I broke up with him three+ months ago. sat cross legged, straight faced, empty chested, closed mouthed while he cried his fluttering, splattering heart all over the hardwood floor about his life now having no etc. thinking it'll be over soon. all this pandering. all this gentle petting. all this him.
but, but, but.
I was due to go to Cairns tomorrow, as I do 2-4 times per year. he lives in Cairns, now. he had all kinds of marvellous, best-friendly adventures planned for us, i'm sure. because when I tentatively informed him i'd had to push my flight back to next Monday for various uni-involved reasons, we had a minor repeat of the fluttering, splattering heart incident over the phone. but, see, it wasn't just that i'd be a week late. it was that I was annoyed at him for transferring $120 into my bank account so I could change the flight, again, to four days earlier. it was that, for some apparently insane and selfish reason, I just refused to do it.
"why would I?" I say. "you're not even my partner. you're just a friend. why should I move my flight ahead four measly days for you? there's no reason to. it's unnecessarily absurd. etc."
surely that is a sound argument, i'm thinking. surely it is reasonable.
because, although surely it is enough, it is not all!
the thing is... I do have selfish reasons for not doing it. selfish reasons i'm not telling him about. because what he doesn't know won't hurt him. and because i've promised him I won't <quote>see</unquote> anybody until after my trip to Cairns.
Friday night a semi-friend (as friendly as they get, to me) is having a costume housewarming rave, rave, rave.
and the crush of my life (read: crush of my present) will be there.
I have diabolical plans to spirit him to some dark corner and make him my night-long prey. either that or I have plans to gaze and mutely blush, etc.
sigh sigh.
I am evil. just so everyone knows.
now. I have 1,500 words to write by tomorrow.
and $20 worth of junk food to consume while doing so.
excuse me.
HORRIBLY. and miserable. I wish I could be ragingly furious instead. ooo.
well I just got off the phone with Dennis.
I talk to him at least twice, thrice per day. if, for some reason, I don't answer my phone(s), he rings and rings them both until I do, leaving 10-20 messages. and SMSs. and emails. and comments on my livejournal. and messages on my friends' phones asking if they know where I am. and messages on my mumm's phone asking if she's spoken to me recently. etc.
okay he's only done those last few once or twice.
see, i'm his best friend. the only one who understands etc. the only one to whom he's completely opened up and poured etc. the love of his etc.
I broke up with him three+ months ago. sat cross legged, straight faced, empty chested, closed mouthed while he cried his fluttering, splattering heart all over the hardwood floor about his life now having no etc. thinking it'll be over soon. all this pandering. all this gentle petting. all this him.
but, but, but.
I was due to go to Cairns tomorrow, as I do 2-4 times per year. he lives in Cairns, now. he had all kinds of marvellous, best-friendly adventures planned for us, i'm sure. because when I tentatively informed him i'd had to push my flight back to next Monday for various uni-involved reasons, we had a minor repeat of the fluttering, splattering heart incident over the phone. but, see, it wasn't just that i'd be a week late. it was that I was annoyed at him for transferring $120 into my bank account so I could change the flight, again, to four days earlier. it was that, for some apparently insane and selfish reason, I just refused to do it.
"why would I?" I say. "you're not even my partner. you're just a friend. why should I move my flight ahead four measly days for you? there's no reason to. it's unnecessarily absurd. etc."
surely that is a sound argument, i'm thinking. surely it is reasonable.
because, although surely it is enough, it is not all!
the thing is... I do have selfish reasons for not doing it. selfish reasons i'm not telling him about. because what he doesn't know won't hurt him. and because i've promised him I won't <quote>see</unquote> anybody until after my trip to Cairns.
Friday night a semi-friend (as friendly as they get, to me) is having a costume housewarming rave, rave, rave.
and the crush of my life (read: crush of my present) will be there.
I have diabolical plans to spirit him to some dark corner and make him my night-long prey. either that or I have plans to gaze and mutely blush, etc.
sigh sigh.
I am evil. just so everyone knows.
now. I have 1,500 words to write by tomorrow.
and $20 worth of junk food to consume while doing so.
excuse me.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-06-19 01:38 pm (UTC)have fun at the party!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-19 01:58 pm (UTC)p.s. think how nice it'll be to not dread it, & get it over, & go to parties.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-19 09:55 pm (UTC)Also, this person would drive me truly insane. I am a hermit and cannot stand it when people call me constantly, and if I don't answer the phone and they keep calling, it better be a life or death emergency, otherwise, DEATH.
yesssss
Date: 2006-06-19 11:42 pm (UTC)Re: yesssss
Date: 2006-06-20 09:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-19 10:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-24 04:52 pm (UTC)Out of curiosity, why'd you friend little ol' me?
no subject
Date: 2006-06-26 08:23 am (UTC)(hi!)
no subject
Date: 2006-06-29 03:35 am (UTC)I've had friends like that. And they never seem to realise that going to that much trouble and effort always comes across as creepy and makes you far less inclined to want to see them than previously.
How did your party plan go?