lysergic lethargic

[overocea]

Something I wrote in an email a little while ago:

I've noticed very recently that I slightly dislike a reasonably significant proportion of all humanity! Generally people I consider boring, or not genuine.. you know, they're sweetly nice to a person regardless of how they feel about them, which I understand is necessary at times, but... the thought makes me uncomfortable. Nodding and smiling pleasantly when someone is droning on about a subject you're completely disinterested in, or when you've something important to attend to, or when you feel like punching them in the face because you hate the way they mispronounce empathic... wouldn't you rather know if the person you were talking to felt that way?

Working in counselling I've come to place huge importance on genuineness... it's been drilled into my skull: a vital component of a therapeutic relationship, and I seem to have transferred that to everyday life. Well, good! Except that I do seem to offend people more often. Several people have said they admire it, speaking my mind, in the same sentence as saying that it may rub people the wrong way.

A few days after writing it I.. ate some sugarcubes. Oh, we had a sugarcube party, there are photos that other people took:



Sugarcubes tend to magnify one's personality flaws. This is something one notices in others, of course, but usually not oneself. Well, in the days prior to said party I had been dwelling a bit on the improbability of the accuracy of self-knowledge a bit. So I observed the flaws that were magnified in myself, and disliked them.



Personality flaws I must overcome:

Negativity: I make continuous negative, cynical comments. They are most often jokes, my humour is sarcastic, and amusing, sure! but the unfailing negativity of it is unecessary. My nature is a negative one, of course I cannot realistic decide to "overcome" that (if I wanted to, that is), but can definitely refrain from tainting every remark I make with it...

Detachment: On meeting someone new I often exaggerate my indifference, communicate a vague disinterest in the person, remain remote and mysterious. Why? Schizoid airs aside, I think it may be so that if they end up disliking me, they'll never know I care. Of course this is a behaviour that is only going to increase the chances they'll dislike me anyway..! People like to be liked. There are people I like. I should communicate it more.



That's all. Only two flaws? Well, only two that I've picked out.

"It's very rare to find genuine self-knowledge. It's almost as if you need someone else to tell you who you are, or to hold up a mirror for you."

So I could ask someone who knows me quite well my flaws. But... I'm scared they would have some to tell me. I don't really want to hear it.



The party was lovelie, I liked everyone there.. but I don't know how I feel about sugarcubes anymore. Well.. it's bound to not affect a negative person in a positive way, right? It just makes me so awkward, so enormously uncomfortable.

Then again, maybe I just need to eat more.. biscuits with it next time.

Comments

[basement.livejournal.com]

I just realised there's not one photo of Jason in this post.. probably because he took them all.

So, since it just isn't fair to not incriminate everyone involved:

cuddlefish here

[smileyfish.livejournal.com]

I remember first meeting you at Harleys birthday party and detached was exactly the impression I got but from the whole situation and environment rather than individual people. I suppose that might be because it was a rather large gathering. I still on rare occasion have to smack down negative self comments from Toni to.

Not that I'd ever encourage drug use, but I don't think that the concept of acid not effecting a negative person in a good way is right. It can be uncomfortable and challenging but in that lies the reward. I've discovered so much about my own mind, learned to listen to my body properly and been made aware of behaviours that I would never have even considered previously. I've also found the comedown from pills can completely change the post trip glow.

I think it's important not to dwell on personal flaws to much as it does little to change behaviour. Besides it would be a bit boring to have absolutely no flaws.

Anyway we had a fantastic time. I can't thank you enough for de-catting your home to accommodate us.

I just realised that I now owe you a massage.

Re: cuddlefish here

[basement.livejournal.com]

flaws are indeed what make people so interesting. I guess since noticing them though they seem so hugely exaggerated. I'll get over it :P

I have had many entirely positive acid experiences, I guess.. they just seem to be getting more difficult lately. I would like to try one day a tab all by myself and spend it writing (at least until I get distracted and confused by trying to use a pen).

*files away the massage comment for claiming at a later date*

[miadzin.livejournal.com]

Regarding the writing, what are your thoughts regarding this:

"Peter was my first real friend--that is, in close proximity and not in a book--and it's difficult to admit being a nineteen-year-old loner--but I wasn't unsociable, just discriminating. The people who surrounded me were either unlikeable or uninteresting. Even now, acquainted with many more names and faces, I recognize that not much has changed. Most people are stupid, insulting, aggressive or dull, simple, predictable. I still struggle to sieve through the mud bunks of humanity and collect the valuable sediments, all of whom I treasure and would never sell."

[basement.livejournal.com]

I love it. it reminds me of me. haha. (and can relate enormously to the content as well)

except for the --s, I find them distracting.

but the last sentence is awesome <3

did you write it? (& is there more?)

[miadzin.livejournal.com]

Oh god I am a "--" fiend.

Yes I wrote it. Your words caught me at a time when I was editing a short with that phrase. Yes there is more.