vulnerability

[overocea]

I just watched Brene Browne's TED talk on vulnerability. It was okay; she was very engaging and amusing, but it could have been half the length with the same weighted message. Anyway, she was talking about "whole-hearted" people: people who have a sense of worthiness, of love and belonging (compared to people who struggle for it and wonder if they're good enough). As I was listening I was thinking, well, I would most certainly be hearted wholly. I do believe I am worthy of love and belonging (and thus am loved and do have a sense of belonging).

As she began to list those qualities that the whole-hearted have which may contribute to this, I was ready to hear a list of my own admirable traits:

Courage: the courage to be imperfect
Compassion: to be kind to themselves and others
Connection: the ability to let go of who they think they should be, and just be who they are.. and thus enable connection with others

Yes, yes, yes, I thought. Absolutely she is describing me. I knew it.

Vulnerability: having the willingness to risk uncomfortable thoughts and feelings when there are no guarantees.

Oh. Well, sure, I do believe that what makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful, that vulnerability is absolutely necessary... sure, yes.

For others, I mean. Maybe it would be true for me, too, maybe maybe. But maybe it would just hurt. Maybe it would be catastrophically awful.

I will not say "I love you" first. I will not ask for help when I can muddle through by my own insufficient ability in thrice the time. I will not put my hand up in case I am not chosen.

I will not risk shame.

Gosh, I was so sure I was whole-hearted.

Comments

[darkentropy.livejournal.com]

Jess you crack me up. You most certainly are a beautifully whole hearted person. Maybe we can both work on the being comfortable to live with vulnerability thing this year. In other news, I just made a post about a whole-hearted kinda woman:p

[cluckfuster.livejournal.com]

I think no one is ever continuous whole, or whole-hearted. I think it's possible, but not in a way that is permanent - life is too abrupt for that. I think the process of internal struggle that gets us to that point is why we need to, every so often, hear something inspirational that can change our mind about ourselves. Not so that we feel less, but instead to see ourselves as not just living in a reactionary manner to life, to see all that we could be, so we can act in a more conscientious way to make ourselves feel more.

Or some shit. I don't know, I'm pretty hungry so I'm a bit distracted.